Learning to be Crazy

I was reminded to be crazy this week. I guess I always knew God expected the unexpected of His followers, and I thought I had no problem being different from the world, but I’m increasingly learning just how different “different” can be.

It came about that I was walking through the campus bookstore. I can never resist walking through the campus bookstore, even though I can rarely afford extra books. As usual, I stop and browse, for an extended while. One book I came across, with a pretty blue and white cover of the lovely antarctic sky and snow, was called Surrendered and Untamed: A FIeld Guide for the Vagabond Believer, by Jason Clark. Now I had lately been musing on travelings – as might be expected – and for some reason thought this was a book about someone with a wandering lifestyle. You know, the “vagabond” of the title. Otherwise I would probably not have picked it up – I tend to shy away from devotionals.

I flip open at random, landing at a chapter which begins with the author talking about this guy he knows, Westerfield, who always went about telling people how much God loved them. Hmmm…. I’m not sure I want to be the one standing at the bus stop who suddenly turns to the next person to say “God loves you, you know?” But Westerfield had done exactly that, and before I could get around to judging him, Westerfield-at-the-bus stop stops talking, and asks the man if he would pray for the man’s girlfriend and sick baby.

The Man’s eyes got wide. “How could you know that?” he asked.

“That’s how much God loves you, He put your family on my heart,” Westerfield said, and then he prayed, asking God to release His love on this guy and his family. And God did. The guy stood there in the street and cried as he experiences God’s loving-kindness through Westerfield. And when it was over, not only was this guy blessed, heaven had a new citizen! 

It was an incredible story. And I have heard too many stories like this to doubt it. God can and does speak to us in such direct manners, with such specifics.

I was once attending my grandparents’ church, which I visit about twice a year. It was the end of summer. In the beginning of summer I had come to realize that God had a calling for me. I knew exactly where I would be in three years time (though I wasn’t quite sure about the three years in between). I did not know what exactly I would be doing, but I got the main gist of the idea.

So, God have revealed part of His plan for me, and it was beautiful. But then I went home for summer, and as I took a break from school, I took a break from my future and God’s plans. By the end of the summer, I was having doubts. Did I really interpret God’s words accurately? Was I sure this was what He wanted me to do?

So I was at my grandparents’ church, and the pastor was preaching a message on something completely unrelated. It was a good message, but as he preached I kept wondering if I really knew what I was doing. Then, as the pastor closed in prayer, he said something along the lines of “I rarely do this, but I feel that the Holy Spirit had put something on my heart. Is there anyone here who plans on going into […]?”

I jerk up. Did I mention it was a congregation of 8? It was highly improbably that the pastor could have been speaking to anyone else. And there was no way that he could have known my plans and my doubts. So the pastor prayed for me. It was exactly what I needed, and the Holy Spirit had told him so, even if he did not know it was me.

God does work in such direct ways. How many times have I walked down a path, suddenly seeing someone, and wondering if I simply ought to go over and say hi? Just to let them know someone still cares. Or just because I want to chat. How many times have I squashed that instinct for fear of being weird? But once or twice, I did go and say hi, and after a little confusion as to my motive (I been mistaken for both a social worker and someone who wanted the connections to get into the pamphlet-handing-out business), the conversations turn out nicely. However, still that fear of being “different,” I only brush past the topic of Christianity. I make it known I am Christian, but I hardly – if ever – expound on the topic.

On one of the last days of being in Greece, we attended a local evangelical church. A missionary from Texas came up to greet us, and after ascertaining our identity (we from — College, here for the purpose of —, leaving Greece on —, etc), his very first question to us was, “What ministries have you done so far?”

It hit me. I had just been thinking to myself over the past few days that something was lacking in the Greece trip. It was lots of fun, I was learning a lot, but there was something I was not doing right. I had not been delving into the cities I promised I would. I had not been listening to stories of joys and tears. I was still trying to decipher the needs of the people. I was not responding. Then here comes this Texan missionary, and one of the first words out of his mouth was what of God’s work had we done in the full twenty days.

Full twenty days. So much could have been done. Paul himself hardly stayed in any city more than two or three weeks. And what have I done so far?

So where am I headed with all this? Allow me to summarize my wandering thoughts in lovely bullet points.

  • There are times when God speaks with great precision, responding directly to our needs. 
  • There are times when God puts such precise words on our hearts, other times when His directions are less clear,
  • but if so, we still ought to speak up, even at risk of being “different.”

Sometimes, for the sake of God’s love, we are told to do what we feel uncomfortable, or what the world frowns upon. I cannot claim any instances in which God gave me instructions as clearly as He did Westerfield, but I have been learning to speak to strangers. And I am not claiming that street evangelizing is the best or only way. But I think God has at times prompted me to speak up, and I have ignored him. I dearly, dearly want to reach out and help people. I dearly want to hear their stories, see their needs, and respond to those needs. But too often, I stop at hearing the story.

Yet when I preach the gospel, I cannot boast, for I am compelled to preach. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!
If I preach voluntarily, I have a reward; if not voluntarily, I am simply discharging the trust committed to me.
~ 1 Corinthians 9:16-17

Final disclaimer: that was a long wandering post, and I ended up somewhere I completely did not expect. I apologize that my thoughts are not fully developed, and there are too many of them to put on paper, so this is an ill-selected portion of a much bigger picture. Please do reply with comments if you disagree or have any thoughts. I would be happy to continue the discussion so as to more fully explore what I think and why, and perhaps some day offer a more concise, more polished thesis. Thank you so much for listening and responding!


2 thoughts on “Learning to be Crazy

  1. Hey Lossy! This was such a deeply convicting post. I must admit I sat up with a bit of a jolt myself. So many of the things you said–about going home for the summer and becoming uncertain, of God having a plan and wondering if you’ve discerned it right, of stopping at people’s stories–resonated deeply with me.

    You may have felt you were rambling, but I think a message came through nonetheless ;) Thank you for your honesty and openness. Am going to be thinking about all this.


  2. Thank you for replying, and I am blessed that you were able to take something from my thoughts. It’s a lesson I’m still trying to learn, to listen to God’s voice, even if it sounds crazy, instead of “the voice of reason.”
    In fact, I keep trying to learn it, I keep musing upon it, sharing it, and then I complain, “It’s so hard to do anything in a campus bubble!” But I don’t realize that my classmates are just as in need as the Indian immigrant woman wandering Hong Kong looking a little lost. Simply because most of us here on campus are living middle/middle-upper-class lives does not mean we are living full lives. I ought to sit my friends down one by one and say, looking into their eyes, “let us now discuss the state of our souls.”

    I might just try that tonight… though I might soften the phrasing a little… ;)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s